Even Pauly D would probably scream, “NooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” if he heard any of these “artists” on the 1s and 2s. Hell, it’s hard to justify why any of these celebrities should be DJing in the first place! (We’d love for you to tell us why!) The exception to this list might be Shaq, who after dissing Kobe both on the court and lyrically, proved some value as a rapper (and likely could DJ better than Kobe); that said, if Shaq dropped a bad beat–$5 no one boos the track.

Here’s our question: Of these five, who wins in a DJ battle?

5. DJ Shaquille O’Neal

He may be a legend on the hardwood, but that doesn’t mean he can heat up the dance floor. Shaq has got plenty of rings, but he won’t win this battle.

4. DJ Hulk Hogan

“What’cha gonna do, What’cha gonna do brother when Hulkamania runs wild on you?”

3. DJ Paris Hilton

She failed…on her debut.

2. DJ Lindsay Lohan

Why Steve Aoki? Why? Need we say more.

1. DJ Kim Kardashian

Come on folks, we all know that her most valuable asset would not be visible.

Of the million other DJ possibilities out there, at the very least, we’d rather see…