1. This is a classic from PCU: “We KNOW you like the band, that’s why you’re here, you don’t need to wear their SHIRT to their show as well.”
Let us flip it, we KNOW you’re the band—you DON’T need to wear a T-shirt reminding us. Why don’t you just put on a T-shirt that says “Hello My Name Is Axel Rose.”
2. You’re tall. It’s not easy being tall. We understand. Remember how it feels when you sit on an airplane looking at that short person who has tons of legroom? Good. That’s how it feels to be at a concert when Andre The Giant is in front of you and instead of seeing how hot Justin Bieber is you’re staring at his rat tail.
3. Don’t be that guy who goes to shows to hover around the bar to meet “indie” girls. Really? Grab your drink and move. Did you “hang out” around the lunch line at school? No. That’s weird and you’re in everyone’s way. It’s the same thing, bro.
4. If you’re in public this is a number one: don’t fight. Throwing punches will either make you look like an asshole or have you on the ground like this guy. Now there’s a Youtube video of you getting beaten up at a concert for the whole world to see. Not quite how you envisioned your 15 minutes of fame.
5. Pointing is as cool of a dance move as throwing dice. You ever seen Knocked Up? You’re THAT dude. I’m pointing at you. Right now. Do you like it?
6. Guys listen up: whether you’re at a concert or a club, unless a girl motions for you to come over, don’t slide up to her like Pepe Le Pew and start dry humping. Ever seen a bear hump a rabbit? It’s not pretty. I can assure you the rabbit didn’t want the bear to do that.
7. iPhones are not lighters. Don’t hold up your iPhone to a slow jam and wave it back in forth. Would you ever do that anywhere else? No. It would be like signaling “Here’s my phone, who wants it?” I do. Thank you. Come again and again. I’ll sell it back to you on ebay.
8. Don’t try and be a professional videographer with your iPhone. Yes, your iPhone camera has a 7.0 megapixels and your instagram “Toaster” and “1977” filters are rad! Maybe you take one short clip. But the whole show? Dude–you don’t have a press pass. If you had a press pass you wouldn’t be using your iPhone. Seriously, you’re watching the show through your camera. This is exactly why parents say “kids can only relate to each other through gizmos.” You’re at a concert—record your television.
“My phone really enjoyed that show I went to!”
9. Don’t act a drunken fool. Don’t be that guy stumbling into me as you get your sixth, seventh, eighth drink from the bar. Public drunkenness stopped being cool after the first two weeks of your freshman year at Pepperdine.
10. Couples: see the music you paid to see, get yourselves in the mood, then go get freaky after the show. Nobody wants to see you guys with your tongues down each other’s throats like dogs trying to lick the last streaks of peanut butter out of the jar. Concerts stick in our brains like music videos, with the band as the soundtrack and the audience/environment included in the visual portion. If you make out right in front of me, congratulations: you just turned my concert memories into a slobbery, soft-core porn.
That wraps it up for us. Dear (no doubt classy) reader: what are your concert pet peeves?